Forgiveness
by xThePassionateWriterx
Summary: Charges were dropped, cases were closed, but does that mean Olivia forgives Brian? Based off episodes 19x2 and 19x3, but post 19x7.


**Shout-out to Lauren for putting me back in my Bensidy feels and forcing me to write this. I hope you guys enjoy!**

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It was Christmas time and now that Noah was older, it was a time of the year that Olivia truly enjoyed. They had just finished decorating the tree and after dancing to a few Christmas songs, Noah was out like a light.

Olivia was sitting on the couch with a mug full of spiked eggnog in one hand and the remote in the other, trying to find something to watch. She was generally in a good mood, but she couldn't help but to let her mind wander to the previous day with Laurel. She had never felt so open and vulnerable before, especially with a victim.

Even though, she tried to keep her guard up the entire time, Laurel saw right through her. In one way, it was comforting to have someone understand her darkest thoughts, like still wanting Joe to love her even though he was a rapist, or that she felt like she was just collateral damage and the root of all her mom's problems. On the other hand, having someone taking one look at her and being able to see all of her secrets scared her to no end and reminded her of the only other person able to do that: Brian.

While there was a time that she was beyond upset at him, she did forgive him. He meant well, but he didn't go about it the right way. He sent a text after the case was closed apologizing again and wishing her the best.

She didn't reply.

She appreciated the sentiment, even though the whole dragging her through the mud situation could have been avoided, if it wasn't for him, but she did appreciate him reaching out. It was the least he could have done.

But tonight, she missed him.

This time of the year reminded her of the Bahamas or the fact the first time she had a Christmas tree in her adult life, she brought with Brian; the same tree she's looking at now. The same tree she decorated with her beautiful son. The same tree that's in the apartment that her and Brian once shared.

She sighed. It had been years since their break up and she thought she was over him until he showed up at her doorstep a few months ago telling her she was being investigated for child abuse. She had to admit, it was nice to see him and she instantly felt the spark between them again until he told her the real reason he was showing up unannounced. Then, once she found out that his tendency to overshare is what got her in trouble, all sparks disappeared.

So, she thought.

Until she finds herself in situations like this where every thought on her mind is him and even the smallest things would bring back a happy memory of their relationship. Maybe she would finally reach out to him, but what would she even say? It had been too long and it would be useless to say something now. Though, she was sure he would love to hear from her.

She decided to text him.

Just as she was picking up her phone, there was a knock at the door. She sighed. Any time someone showed up at her door at this time, it was to deliver bad news and she was over it. She almost didn't answer it, until the person knocked again and spoke.

"Liv, I know you're in there."

She nearly dropped her mug. No way her thoughts were that powerful. She placed her mug on the coffee table before getting up from the couch. She's been wanting to talk to Brian and the universe thought there was no better time than the present. She took a deep breath before opening the door. "Can I help you?" She didn't want him knowing that she was actually happy to see him and was just about to call him.

"I, uh, I just wanted to talk, but if the little guy is still up, I can go." He stuttered while already starting to back away from the door.

Olivia wanted to be stubborn and let him walk away, but her missing him overpower her stubbornness. "No, it's okay. Come in." She moved aside, allowing him room to walk in and closed the door behind him. "So, what's up?" She asked after a minute of awkward silence.

"I'm sorry. I never know when to shut up and I hate that this happened to you. I'm sorry for once again messing up and hurting you. I just don't want you to hate me, Liv, because you mean too much to me." He was nervous to come over here and the whole ride, he was wondering what was the point, but he needed to talk to her face to face.

It hurt her heart knowing that Brian was still beating himself up, as he should, but she didn't like to see him so distraught. "Brian, I forgive you...I forgave you. But, I've been telling you for the past nineteen years to just shut up sometimes." She walked a little closer to him. "I know you meant well, but going arounf telling _my_ business to other people isn't okay, especially when we're broken up."

Brian let out a sigh of relief upon hearing that Olivia did in fact forgive him. He know he had a long way to go to regain her trust, but this was definitely a nice start. "I know. I just thought it was stupid they were going after you when I knew you could never harm your child or any child. Even after all this time, I guess I'm still protective over you." He rambled. He knew he was wrong and as soon as Michelle told him that they were going to investigate her, he knew he had to give Olivia a heads up.

"Brian," she said softly while placing a hand on his chest gently. "Please, stop. It's over. Noah is sleeping peacefully down the hall and the case was dropped and erased from their files. It's okay." She wanted to say 'we're okay', but felt it would be inappropriate.

Brian quickly glanced down at her hand that was on his chest and then into her eyes, trying to read the emotions she was currently feeling. He would be lying if he said he didn't miss Olivia and what they had. However, it just seemed like everything that could go wrong in a relationship happened to them and it was just best for them to part ways.

Olivia noticed the glance and cleared her throat while stepping away, dropping both hands to her side. "So, uh, was that it?" She stumbled on the words while she felt the entire mood shift in the room.

"Yeah, I just wanted to make sure we were okay." He answered trying to look anywhere but at her. "Your tree looks nice. Did Noah help?" He tried to change the subject, and prolong their interaction. He was terrified of asking for another chance, a chance he didn't deserve.

Olivia genuinely smiled at the mention of Noah. "He did. He insisted that we put real candy canes on the tree just incase Santa wanted to take some to the reindeer." She chuckled at the conversation from earlier that night.

Brian laughed. "He's a smart boy. Santa shouldn't be the only one that gets to have treats."

"Now, you sound like Noah." She couldn't believe that she was standing in her living room having a conversation with her ex about Santa, but it was better than nothing. She didn't know how to go about talking to him about her feelings, and she didn't even know if he would feel the same.

"I will take that as a compliment." He knew that was the end of the conversation and he should just make way out before things got awkward. "Well, I should get going. Don't be a stranger, Liv." He started walking towards the door, hoping that she would stop him, but he knew Olivia. Her guard would now be forever up around him and he was the only one to blame.

"Bri, wait." She didn't know what overcame her but she just couldn't let him walk out with so many unspoken words between them. "I, uh have some spiked eggnog in the fridge if you want to stay and talk...about us." She looked at him with hope in her eyes, praying that he would accept the invitation.

He turned around and smiled. "Yeah, I would like that."

xx

After pouring Brian a drink and refilling her cup, they both were sitting on the couch not knowing where to start with this conversation.

Brian decided to be the first one to speak up. "My mom said hi. She's part of the reason I even came over here tonight. I told her about everything, and she said I was an idiot, but that's what love makes you do."

Olivia softly chuckled. "Cecilia was always right. I do miss her." During the time that her and Brian were together, Cecilia had become a mother to Olivia. They would do lunches and shopping trips without Brian and had even gone to look at wedding dresses once. When her and Brian broke up, not only did she lose the man she loved, but the mother she never had.

"I would love another chance, Liv." He was tired of beating around the bush and needed to know how she felt about him. He couldn't wait any longer. "I know I don't deserve another chance, but I have never stopped loving you. You're the only one I can see myself growing old with."

She scoffed at the last sentence. "Oh, now you see yourself growing old? Brian, you can't just walk back into my life wanting another chance because the life you thought you wanted wasn't as fun as you thought. I am not someone's back up plan." Things were going good until he said that. Where was this Brian four years ago when she thought she was pregnant or when they first found Noah?

"Liv, you are not and will never be a backup plan."

"So, what is this, Brian? You can't just come to me when everything is going wrong with your life and expect to fix you up so you can leave me agan. I love you too much to keep allowing you to walk in and out of my life as you please." As soon as she realized what she said, she stood up from the couch to put some space between them. She can't believe she said that out loud, to him.

"Olivia," he said while getting up and following her to the kitchen. "I don't want to fight with you. If you don't want to take another go at us, that's all you have to say." He couldn't lie, he was hurting, but her reaction was expected. Too much time had passed between them and there was just some damage that couldn't be undone. He had to live with his mistake of letting her go.

She shook her head. "God, no, Brian. It's not that." She ran her fingers through her hair as she tried to get her words together. "I have a son now. We're a packaged deal, and when the opportunity came up for us to have kids, you shot it down."

"When you took your pregnancy test, you weren't in the right mind to become a mom, Liv."

She was going to interrupt him, to disagree, but he held her hand up to stop her.

"Yes, in your heart, you have always been ready to be a mom, but you were still healing from Lewis. Hell, not too long after the test, you pulled a gun on me. Our work schedules were opposite of each other. How were we supposed to bring a kid in this equation? Of course, I wanted kids with you, Olivia. I still do, but we weren't ready." He hoped he had phrased his words right and she had gotten the point he was trying to make.

While he did have a point, she did get custody over Noah after her second bout with Lewis and she was doing just fine. Of course, she had some challenges, but it was nothing that she couldn't deal with. As a couple, they couldn't have done it, though. They barely saw each other and when they did, they wouldn't do much talking. "I have to think about Noah."

"I won't meet him until you're ready. We can take it beyond slow," he paused and stepped closer to her, grabbing her hands in the process. He looked her directly in the eyes before he began speaking again, "but, Olivia, you're the only woman I've ever loved."

Olivia's breath hitched and her eyes immediately watered at the emotional confession, which she knew was true. Brian was a true playboy, but Olivia was the only one that could get him to settle down and be loyal. "Brian, I-"

Before she could say anything, Noah walked into the kitchen holding Eddie the Elephant in one hand and rubbing his eye with the other. "Momma." He then looked at Brian. "Who are you?"

Olivia let out the air she was holding and completely forgot about Brian and the conversation they were having. "What's wrong, my sweet boy?"

"There's a monster in my closet." He said nervously.

Brian felt slightly awkward being here in this intimate moment, but for some reason he couldn't leave. "Did you know I fight monsters for a living?" He said to the little boy.

"You do?" Noah's eyes lit up.

Brian nodded. "Yup. If mommy is okay with it, I can go handle that monster in your closet right now." Brian knew that Olivia would have preferred for them to meet months from now, but there was no turning back now.

"Mommy, he has to fight the monster for me!" Noah said already grabbing Brian's hand and dragging him to his bedroom.

"Just this once, Noah." Olivia said following the two of them. It's not that she didn't trust Brian to be alone with Noah, but this was a complete stranger to him and sometimes she wished her son wasn't so friendly.

Noah stopped in front of his door. "You go in first."

"Yes, sir." Brian said before walking in the bedroom. "Alright, monster, where are you?" He said playing along with the game. If he had to embarrass himself a little to make Noah feel better, so be it.

Noah followed closely behind him, wanting to see for himself that this was monster defeated. "In the closet. I heard him roar."

"Alright, kid, you stand back. This could get a little ugly." He said approaching the closet stealth like.

Olivia stood in the doorway watching the scene unfold and couldn't believe her eyes. This is the life that she's always wanted and it was almost hers. She just couldn't jump back into a relationship with Brian again, but this was something that she could get used to.

Brian slowly opened the door and was ready to defend whatever monster was behind this door. When it was fully open, he got into a defense stance. "Ah!"

"He's gone! You scared him away!" Noah said nearly jumping for joy.

Brian smiled. "I told you this was my job, but to make sure he doesn't come back, we have to do a magic spell."

"Is it going to hurt?"

"Nope." Brian said as he squatted in front of the small boy. "All we have to do is hold hands, close our eyes and say 'no monsters can get me' three times. Think you can do that?"

Noah nodded and held onto Eddie a little tighter.

Brian gave him a comforting smile and grabbed his hands. "Let's do this. Now, just close your eyes and say the phrase. One, two, three."

"No monsters can get me. No monsters can get me. No monsters can get me." Both of them said at the same time.

Brian opened his eyes. "Did you feel that?"

Noah shook his head. "No. Feel what?"

"The invisible barrier around your room. Now no monsters can get you. Even if they come to your door, they'll get zapped and go back to monster land." Brian said hoping this would satisfy the boy at least for the night.

"Thank you, Mister!" Noah threw his arms around Brian and hugging him tightly.

Brian quickly glanced up at Olivia, who was watching the two of them with her hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes. He hugged Noah back and allowed himself to relax the first time that night. "You can call me Brian, kid."

Noah pulled away and flashed Brian a dimple-filled smile. "You're the best, Brian." He then turned to look at Olivia. "I like Brian. He's nice." Noah jumped back in his bed not knowing the weight of the sentence he just said.

Olivia knew this was a big mistake. She didn't even know if her and Brian would be together at the end of the night and Noah was already proclaiming his like for him. She cleared her throat. "It's time for bed, buddy." She walked in the room and tucked Noah back in bed. "I love you, my sweet boy." She kissed him on the forehead.

Brian stood in the doorway watching Olivia in mommy mode. He hated that he ruined his chances to be Noah's dad. The little boy was sweet and had already captured his heart after only five minutes. He knew Noah saying that he liked him made Olivia uncomfortable and she would want Brian gone as soon as possible, so he was taking in the last few moments of peace.

He was brought out of his thoughts when Olivia started walking towards the door. He began walking back to the living room, feeling that she was following him.

"Brian."

"I know," he said turning around to face her. "I need to-"

He was cut off by Olivia grabbing his collar and pulling him into a kiss.

Needless to say, he was shocked at first. He didn't think Olivia would want him back and he damn sure didn't think he would be in the middle of her living room kissing her. He physically relaxed and wrapped his arms around her waist.

Olivia did not plan her night to go like this, but tonight, seeing Brian interact with Noah, made her realize that she was not over him. She pulled away smiling still holding on to his collar.

"Are you sure?" He said softly rubbing her back, not believing that she was actually in his arms again.

She nodded. "Watching you with Noah was the extra push I needed. Just don't leave us again, Brian. You have to be in this one hundred percent for good." She knew it was a risk to allow him back in just like that, but something in heart told her that Brian had changed and he would there for good. For once, she decided to listen to her heart.

His face broke out into a smile. Olivia was really giving him another chance and he would do everything in his power to make sure they stayed together this time. "I will never be that much of an idiot again. I love you too much, Olivia."

She lightly chuckled at his reaction. "Bri, you can be an idiot at times, but you're my idiot, and I love you."

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 **Reviews on here or twitter (maniregine) is nice!**


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